I absolutely understand the need for inclusivity. Deliberately excluding people on grounds of race or gender or sexuality or position in society or status is needless.
Being mean to people is bad, m’kay?
We are all agreed on that, yes? Good. Right then.
Twice a year we have Days for certain people. Mums and Dads. It doesn’t say what kind of dad, or what kind of mum, or how they became their version of that, it is just a day upon which to make a fuss of them and do nice things should you so choose.
Today, Mothering Sunday in the UK, a lovely place offered free little cakes for all mums going in to their shop. It’s a small business, not a chain. I expect they know most of their clients by name, given how warm and friendly they are. They posted a photo of said lovely cakes on instagram.
I expect you can guess what happened next.
“What?! For moms? So those of us without children left out further? I really hope you plan on giving EVERY woman who eats with you today one of these.”
Aside from the fact that I’m not sure how you would tell a person wasn’t a mother, as they didn’t specify you had to be accompanied by your offspring, I find that a little much. Plus a small business giving away a product free to everyone might not be economically viable for them. Everything is made by hand, so perhaps extra hours would need to be factored in to the work day.
I realise it can be extremely hard for people who do not have kids, and desperately want them, but offering a small cake on a given day is not a slight against you. It really isn’t, and you know why? Because this is NOT ABOUT YOU. It is not your day, and I am sorry for that, and sorry that it hurts you that it can’t be your day, but it is what it is. That doesn’t excuse your being mean to nice people.
There is a difference between a deliberate exclusion and a very kind gesture on a specific day.
However, the lovely shop very graciously said
“Every single person that comes today! We are all mamas here today”
Now, I’m not sure that was their original intention, but bravo them for saying it. Many of us are without our Mothers today. Some through distance, some through bereavement or estrangement. Many, many more of us are not mothers, and never will be. This does not give us the right to demand things that, technically, aren’t our due. Though we can ask nicely.
As a wise person said “Positivity and kindness? Uhhuh. I don’t have kids. But I don’t feel any need to muscle in on a day celebrating mothers or a sweet kind gesture such as the offer to give a little cake away for the occasion.”
The original poster came back and said she’d just asked a polite question, but it really wasn’t polite at all. Certainly not in the way it was written. A simple “What about us non Mums? We can has cake too?” with a smiley face would have been better. But this was guilt tripping for a kind gesture and I hate that.
Your personal pain does not give you the right to throw sand in people’s faces when they make a kind gesture. And yes, people will – and should – call you on your bullshit.
As another wise person said (I know a LOT of wise people) ‘Not everything’s for everyone.’
Suck it up.
Make a call when it’s something that is a real injustice, not this faux Twitter Outrage that seems so prevalent now.
Have a read of this, see how ridiculous you sound, and recognise that you cannot have everything all of the time.